my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
