yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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