based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need a beard to bite.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
