this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
