I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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