Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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