So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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