the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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