I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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