It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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