the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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