god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
