If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
