You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
