ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
