new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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