I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
