I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
