Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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