When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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