no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
