I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
