Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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