butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
