There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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