i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
