who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your penis caused this!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
