don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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