I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
