she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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