well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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