Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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