I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
