you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Everyone says I win the strip club
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
