listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
there is puke in my bra ... again
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
