I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
