I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
