She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
