We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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