How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
