i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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