if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.