He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS