When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.