Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap