Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
