and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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