i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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