you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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