Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
