Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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