i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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