Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
