phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
