Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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