6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
