you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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