so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
