It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm passing your future prison.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
