why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
