my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
