girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
