this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
