In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
