The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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