hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
