I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
barbara walters just said penis...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
