we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
