from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
